Misunderstandings

Turns out I may have misunderstood Gorgeous Guy’s invitation Friday night; I think there were in fact other people involved. Too bad, if I had known, I would have joined the for a drink! As it is, I refused because I didn’t think being alone with this guy was a good idea. Oh well!

Speaking of misunderstanding, some people, sheesh! I added a new guy on the dating site and he sent me a first message, making a stupid joke with the nickname I use. It wasn’t offensive or anything, just kinda lame, and a bit irritating. But not a big deal. I responded with a stupid joke of my one: I said there was a non-written rule about making jokes with people’s names, and it was a good thing this wasn’t my real name. I added a smiley, which to me meant I was being silly. Then I went on to answer a question he had asked. Well turns out the guy was super susceptible. He replied with a comment like “I hate being a sheep and following society’s norms. Sorry to have offended you. A sense of humor is a great quality… Good look with your next prospects.” And he deleted me. lol!!! I mean shit, he talks about me not having a sense of humor? It’s ok if he didn’t like my answer, it was kinda lame too, but… leaving me with no chance at all to respond is really stupid. I’d have said I was joking and maybe we could have talked some more. Oh well, I’m pretty sure he’s not someone I want in my life.

I do admit that when stuff like that happens (because it does happen regularly, and maybe I AM more susceptible than I’d like to think), well it actually bothers me. I usually end up wondering if I said something wrong, if I’m too bitchy, too susceptible, too this or too that. I guess it’s silly; I shouldn’t question myself over someone else’s behavior, right? I know my own reaction, and I know the reasons. I was slightly irritated by his joke, mostly because I felt it was stupid and well, isn’t it a bit rude to make fun of someone’s nickname in a first ever message to that person? Or is it just me?

At least this sort of stuff makes me think and if I’m lucky, I’ll understand something about myself a little bit better.

When things don’t go as planned…

I had a super busy weekend planned, with a date on Thursday night, a date on Friday night, a friend’s birthday party on Saturday night and another date on Sunday night… But yesterday, my Friday and Sunday dates suddenly got cancelled! To be fair, they both had what sounded like genuine and reasonable excuses, so I simply told them it was fine and we’d plan something else another time. Friday night was to be a first meeting, and Sunday was with the guy I met last weekend.

To be honest, last night, when Friday night guy cancelled, I was very fine with it. A first meeting always makes me very nervous, so not going was much easier than summoning my courage and getting out there! Also, the weather sucked and well, with such a busy weekend, it was a good feeling to have a night for myself! I took advantage of it to do my nails… lol

The unexpected free night also brought on a new temptation. There is this guy I know who I find very hot. He is recently single; I know his ex. Well he invited me over. Just me. At first I refused, telling him I had plans. And well, it’s a good indication of how tempted I was that when my date cancelled, I told this guy that my plans got cancelled… So he said, well, come over! I ended up resisting; I realized that this was totally off my current path of dating around. I want to be invited on dates, I want to feel courted and wanted by guys, not just go over and have sex with them. It seemed wrong and I would have kind of felt bad for the guys I’m dating, too. I already feel kinda guilty dating around, when a guy shows real interest…

All that being said, I did have a date on Thursday night. A first meeting. Gorgeous guy, an athlete. Tall and handsome, yum! We were in a bar though and had a really hard time hearing each other. Still, we had a good time so he’ll definitely get a second date. He told me he wants to see me again; he even said he had met an angel. Awww… if he only knew about the horns!

This does bring something to mind: when I was with him at the bar, he paid my first drink. When the waiter came by for our second order, I said “Am I allowed to pay this time?” Honestly, I meant my own drink but my date understood that I meant his, too, and when I realized this, I could not correct him… right? But it was fine, really, I didn’t mind at all. I paid for our drinks, and he paid the last round. The guy I met the previous Friday let me pay all my own drinks, and the one I met last Sunday paid my coffee. So here’s what I’d like to discuss: when on a date, should the guy always pay? How do you feel about this? I ALWAYS take out my wallet because I do not want to simply assume they will pay for me… What about you? How do you go about this?

Easy, delicious pan-fried fish

I love everything fish and seafood and I often opt for fish & chips when eating out. I’ve always wanted to make some at home. I don’t own a deep-fryer though, but that’s just fine, I’ve found a super easy, super quick, super yummy fish recipe that’s a go-to recipe of mine.

This recipe calls for panko, which is Japanese breadcrumbs. I’ve found it at the grocery store but frankly, I don’t find it worth the trouble. Just keep your baguette leftovers and put them through a food-processor or blender when they’re nice and dry, and voilà, you’ve got your breadcrumbs.

For the fish, I’ve tried different kinds over time. Go with whatever white fish you like, though when I tried with cod the pieces of fish tended to come apart. Still delicious though…

For the sauce, I’ve never bothered to make the recommended tartar sauce recipe. Instead, I mix half plain yogurt, half mayonnaise, squeeze in a bit a lime juice, and add  freshly ground pepper to taste. Hmmmm!

 

Golden Pan-Fried Fish

Ingredients:

• 2 pounds 1 1/2-inch-thick halibut
• 1 3 1/2-ounce package panko (Japanese breadcrumbs; 1 1/2 cups)*
• 1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh Italian parsley
• 2 teaspoons coarse kosher salt
• 2 teaspoons finely grated lemon
• 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• 3 large egg whites
• 1/4 cup dark ale or non-alcoholic (such as O’Doul’s)
• 3 tablespoons (or more) extra-olive oil

Preparation:

Cut fish into 4×1 1/4-inch rectangular Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Combine next 5 ingredients in large bowl.

Whisk egg whites and ale in medium bowl. Add fish to ale mixture and turn to coat; shake off excess, then turn fish in panko mixture to coat all sides. Place on plate.

Heat 3 tablespoons oil in large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add half of fish sticks. Cook until golden and just opaque in center, about 2 minutes per side. Repeat with remaining fish sticks, adding more oil to skillet as necessary. Transfer fish to paper towels; sprinkle with salt and pepper. Serve immediately with tartar sauce.

 

PS – This recipe is from my absolute favorite cooking website, Epicurious: http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Golden-Pan-Fried-Fish-350404

More dating

Well, it’s been a busy weekend. I met 2 new guys. First one, a really nice guy but I didn’t feel attracted at all. I had a good time, we talked and laughed, but meh. He walked me back to my building (he was parked nearby) and said “Hey, let’s do this again?” I couldn’t just say “Hmm no I don’t think so.” Right? So I said “Sure!”

The next day he messaged me, saying he had had a good time and hoped we could do this again. I said, I had a good time as well but that for me, it wouldn’t go any further. I HATE being in this position. I think it’s the one thing that makes me dread dating so much. I’m more afraid of having to reject a guy than being rejected. Which in itself is interesting… It seems I kinda assume I will not be rejected. And my experience is… I’m not rejected. Usually, that happens later, like with New Guy. I guess I’m doing it wrong?

But anyway. I met another guy today. This one, I find sort of cute, and super nice. He’ll have a second date, I think. Aside from him, there are 2 or 3 other guys that want to meet me this week. And New Guy actually emailed me today, he wants to know how I’m doing. I told him I’m doing great.

Dating: should women refrain from initiating?

Ok, here’s another dating dilemma/question: do you think guys should be the ones to invite girls, propose an activity, initiate first contact, etc.?

I know it may sound very old fashioned, but I sort of feel like guys should ask me out. Once we’ve been on a few of dates, fine, I’ll suggest things or invite him over, but right at first? No. And even after a while, I would be careful that he initiates more than I do.

I mentioned before that I’ve been reading this relationship advice blog and it’s all about dating around. Dating several men in order to not get hung up on just one. But mostly, it’s therapy – free therapy. It’s a way to learn to interact with men, to learn how to communicate your feelings in a way that actually gets through to them instead of stressing them, turning them off, creating conflicts… And, it’s also a way to learn what you want and don’t want in a relationship. Finally, it lets you choose who you’ll be with, it puts the power in your hands, rather than just sort of fall in a relationship because you met someone and one thing led to another and there you are.

You’re supposed to keep doing this, keep dating around, until you are in an official, exclusive relationship. And this has to be clearly stated. This was my mistake with New Guy (who I should probably call Old Guy now?); I didn’t date anyone else.

(Just a side note here: dating around doesn’t necessarily mean going on dates with men, it’s mostly about interacting with men – and it can even be women, it’s all about the interaction really – so it means the man in line at the coffee shop who talks to you, well he can serve as practice. You can be actually dating only one guy and still dating around, by “practicing” whenever you can.)

But anyway, my point was supposed to be about guys making the first step. The lady from that relationship blog says to let guys approach you. I guess what it’s about is, feeling wanted, pursued? She says that women’s job is to work on being themselves, being authentic, and on expressing their feelings. She actually says to date anyone who asks us, because dating around isn’t about finding the ONE man, it’s about finding ourselves, healing, practicing, etc. She also says that in women, desperation and need shows up in things like initiating, working to make things happen, calling, texting… It relieves our internal stress to do and act. Which is why it’s so hard to resist… And this is true, I’ve noticed that when I feel bad, I try to DO something to fix it. When I feel insecure about a guy, I try to make something happen to make me feel reassured. These are things I am trying to un-learn.

And as far as initiating, this whole blog post was brought to you by my sending an invitation to a guy on that dating site. This is a first, for me. I knew I shouldn’t do it, but I’ve been doing exactly what she says not to: surfing on the site, looking at guys. In my case, I think it’s curiosity. So far I never felt compelled to contact anyone. I figured, maybe HE will see my profile. If not, oh well. But there’s something else. Part of me sort of thought, if I see Mr. Right, I’ll know it. I’ll feel it. Makes no sense, does it? I was thinking this and laughing at myself for thinking it, but then I saw this really cute guy I felt drawn to so I sent a communication request. Is this a bad thing? We’ll see…

Chinese-style chicken

Sooo here’s another foodie post. I bought boneless, skinless chicken thighs last night, thinking I’d make a chicken curry tonight. Unfortunately, I was out of coconut milk and I wasn’t sure about substituting it with cream. I figured I’d find another recipe rather than walk to the store to get the missing ingredient and I stumbled on the Chinese-Style Roast Chicken Thighs recipe.

A word of warning: I substitute a lot, when I cook. I will indicate what ingredients I used instead of what was originally called for.

This recipe wasn’t one of my favorites, I have to admit, but it wasn’t bad so I’ll share it. I found it lacked a certain sweetness so I ended up dipping it in honey when I ate it, which was pretty good. You can always read the reviews, for more tips. One person suggested adding tamarind concentrate to the marinade, which I think may be a good idea. Also, everyone unanimously says to marinate longer. I didn’t, for lack of time, but I didn’t find the chicken really lacked flavor. Oh, and I’m thinking using chicken thighs with the skin on might make it less dry.

Anyway, without further ado, the recipe:

Chinese-Style Roast Chicken Thighs

Ingredients:

• 2 garlic cloves, chopped
• a 1-inch cube of peeled fresh gingerroot, quartered
• 2 tablespoons soy sauce
• 1 tablespoon cider vinegar (I used lime juice mixed with a little apple cider)
• 2 teaspoons honey
• 1/4 teaspoon aniseed (I used chinese 5-spice powder)
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 pound chicken thighs

Preparation:

In a blender purée the garlic and the gingerroot with the soy sauce, the vinegar, the honey, the aniseed, and the salt. In a resealable plastic bag combine the marinade with the chicken thighs and let the chicken marinate at room temperature for 15 minutes. Arrange the chicken on the rack of a foil-lined broiler pan, discarding the marinade, and roast it in the middle of a preheated 425°F. oven for 20 to 25 minutes, or until it is cooked through (mine took 30 minutes).

A question of perception

I have a weird perception of myself, I think. Part of me never believed I was pretty, yet another part, or maybe it’s wishful thinking, seems to believe that I’m hot. This last part is buried deeper and I won’t readily admit to it.

Come to think of it, there was the same kind of paradoxical shit going on when I was with my ex; part of me was so afraid of losing him or that he didn’t love me, yet another part felt sure he did and would never leave, and that’s the part that was hurt the most when he did leave.

But I wanted to talk about my self-perception. As I said, I mostly never thought of myself as attractive.  I think this is insecurity, because I have no idea how others see me and I’m afraid of it being negative. And, well, I’ve had bad teeth most of my life, only recently got them fixed. I remember when I used to smile, I felt I must look like an idiot. I hated it. It’s hard to feel hot when you feel you look like a retard, really.

Now that that’s all fixed though, maybe it’s time I work on improving my self-image? How does one go about this? Quite a few years ago I had a friend who once told me he knew how to figure out what others thought of us, how they perceived us. He said he’d explain his theory to me but he never got around to it. Still, that still comes around to how OTHERS perceive me and I believe the key is inside of me.

I guess a place to start might be to accept when people compliment, and pay attention to the attention I get. I really do tend to minimize or dismiss the “clues” that maybe I’m not too hard on the eye. But I do get some attention. There’s a weird creepy fellow who says hi every day when I meet him while walking home from work. Does that count? haha… But more seriously, I do get random guys talking to me when I go out. Just last weekend, one guy on the dance floor touched me on the shoulder then pointed his friend. I think he was trying to match us, but I’m not very approachable in a club… I just turned around and kept dancing. Another guy stopped in front of me on his way off the dance floor and smiled and said hi. I kept dancing. A regular night out in Elle’s life, really…

I wonder if my automatically rejecting any guy who approaches me in a bar is related to my own self-image?

Ok, I’m totally blabbing. At least it helps put some kind of order to my thoughts and maybe, just maybe, it’ll help me figure myself out.

New followers

So after posting my soup recipe, I got 3 new followers.

*waves to new followers*

Makes me wonder though if you guys will really like my blog?! It isn’t exactly food-oriented, despite my posting a recipe yesterday. This blog is more about being a dumping ground for anything and everything that goes through my mind, and it often has to do with sex and relationships. Plus, well, there are the HNT pictures. I was also thinking of talking about male chastity sometime soon. It’s something I’ve dabbled in, in the past. If you’ve followed me from my old blog, you know this.

Still with me? Good! After all, nothing wrong with reading about it, right? And I assure you, I am a very normal and respectable young woman. Nothing weird or deviant about me. I’m smart, polite, well dressed, and I give my seat to old people and pregnant women on the bus.

So anyway, if I write about anything that seems weird to you, well just consider it learning about new things and don’t be afraid to leave me comments and ask me questions if you’re curious.

But that being said, perhaps I really should post more of my culinary experiments? I do love to cook, and I especially love to share when I cook. Hmmm.

The best soup recipe I’ve come across recently

I’ve been cooking a lot lately, filling my freezer with ready-made lunches for those days when I just don’t feel like making anything. And today I made some butternut squash soup. I discovered this recipe last fall and I’ve made it 3 times since, and will definitely make it again. You should, too; it’s an amazing soup. The apples and cider give it just the right touch of sweetness.

This recipe yields 10 servings. If you are going to freeze it rather than eat it right away, you might not want to bother with the cider cream and the chives. If you are serving it to guests, do bother with the cider cream and the chives. I’ve tried with and without, the soup is good either way but the cider cream and chives add a little je-ne-sais-quoi. Plus, your guests will be impressed and think you’re fancy.

As for the cider, I went to the liquor store and bought the cheapest non-bubbly apple cider I could find – about $10. Splurge on something better if you plan on drinking the left-over cider.

Butternut Squash Soup with Cider Cream

Ingredients:

• 5 tablespoons butter
• 2 1/2 pounds butternut squash, peeled, seeded, cut into 1/2-inch pieces (about 6 cups)
• 2 cups chopped leeks (white and pale green parts only)
• 1/2 cup chopped peeled carrot
• 1/2 cup chopped celery
• 2 small Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored, chopped
• 1 1/2 teaspoons dried thyme
• 1/2 teaspoon crumbled dried sage leaves
• 5 cups chicken stock or canned low-salt chicken broth
• 1  cup apple cider
• 1/2 cup whipping cream

For the cider cream:

• 2/3 cup sour cream
• 1/2 cup apple cider

Garnish:

• Chopped fresh chives

Preparation:

Melt butter in heavy large saucepan over medium-high heat. Add squash, leeks, carrot and celery; sauté until slightly softened, about 15 minutes. Mix in apples, thyme and sage. Add stock and 1 cup cider and bring to boil. Reduce heat to medium-low. Cover and simmer until apples are tender, stirring occasionally, about 30 minutes. Cool slightly.

Working in batches, purée soup in blender (I use one of those hand blenders). Return soup to pan.

Bring soup to simmer. Mix in whipping cream. Ladle soup into bowls. Drizzle with cider cream. Top with chives.

Cider cream: boil remaining 1/2 cup cider in heavy small saucepan until reduced to 1/4 cup, about 5 minutes. Cool. Place sour cream in small bowl (I always have plain yogurt, which I use instead of sour cream). Whisk in reduced cider. (Soup and cider cream can be made 1 day ahead. Cover separately and refrigerate.)

Oh, the dating scene

I’ve started using a dating site again. I’ve been approached several times by this one guy who is younger than me. I rejected his requests twice, I think, and finally I figured, he must have something to say to me, to keep trying, so I’ll give him a chance. He is 4 years younger than me. It isn’t a huge difference but I just don’t usually feel attracted to younger guys. I tend to look down at them, if that makes any sense…

I told him in my first message that I am not usually into younger guys and about a dozen messages followed about physical attraction and how age isn’t an actual physical attraction criteria, how we should look deeper at who a person really is, and so on and so forth. He says he isn’t lecturing me but it does kind of feel that way. And frankly… I am starting to feel annoyed! It’s not that his points aren’t valid or that he is saying stupid things, it’s that I can’t take going on and on about it any longer!

Now he’s just written “So do we move past this dating site?” I haven’t replied. I mean, I don’t have to reply within 5 minutes, right? But he can see that I am online (I leave the site open so as soon as my computer is on, it shows me as “online”). And before I could even answer he wrote again: “Since we’re here, shall we take advantage of it?”

He has done nothing wrong. Not really. But I don’t feel like talking to him anymore. He may be cute and all but if I feel like this now…

I’m just wondering, what’s the best way to go about this? Should I just say, hey, listen, thanks but no thanks, after exchanging a few messages I just don’t think we’ll hit it off? Or just delete him and say nothing? I’m curious, what would you do?

(I’m hoping he will never stumble upon my blog.)