Ugh.

It looks like his ex might be seeing my ex. His ex being a different girl than the one I worried about, I’m talking about a girl he was seeing for a while after him and his more serious ex broke up. And my ex, well yes, I’m talking about Boy Toy, the guy I was with for almost 4 years. Boy, that’s a lot of exes.

Surprisingly, learning that my ex might be seeing someone doesn’t bother me at all. I’ve dreaded this for a long time, but with recent events, I feel like a break has happened and I feel completely over him. What does bother me though is that it feels like we’ve just traded partners. It feels… icky! I’m totally weirded out. Mind you, they might not even be seeing each other, this is just a rumor. In fact, I kind of can’t imagine it happening between them, but hey, everything is possible right?

It is a reality of the “scene” I’m in that pretty much everybody has slept with everybody. Small crowd, it happens. I already felt it was incestuous, but now? Yeah, wow. Plus, well, this girl is someone who HAS slept with pretty much all the guys from the scene, so it makes it even more icky.

Strangely I’m a bit worried about what people will say. When it comes in the open that I’m seeing Mr. No-No (still can’t come up with a better name for him) and that my ex is seeing his ex… think of the rumors! There apparently already were rumors about Mr. No-No and I, from before anything even happened, so the next crop of stories should be pretty juicy. I guess I shouldn’t care, my friends, the people who are important to me, know what’s going on in my life and respect it. That’s all that matters, right?

It really shouldn’t change anything for Mr. No-No and I. And I don’t think it does change anything. I mean, I feel weird right now, but it’ll pass. I do feel very good with him. To be honest, part of the reason I started calling him Mr. No-No was because I wasn’t sure he’d be serious at all, I kind of saw him as a guy who just got out of a relationship and only wanted to sleep around, wasn’t ready for a relationship. I guess I was afraid it was the case, and his constant hints that never amounted to anything didn’t really reassure me. But now I’m not so sure. First of all, we haven’t even slept together yet. And, well, he’s actually taking me on dates, paying things for me, holding the door and all that jazz. It’s definitely looking good. And the timing seems good too, I finally feel READY, and from what he’s said, I think maybe he does too. Now if I could only get over the weirdness!

Turning point

A lot has been going on, but I hesitate to write about it here. What if I write all kinds of details about Mr. No-No (will definitely have to find him a new name!) and then one day I tell him about my blog? Because, I mean, if I were to get in a relationship with a guy, I can’t imagine never telling him.

It was different with my ex, since we came up with the idea of a blog together and he helped me put it up. That was my old blog. He always knew about it, though I’m not sure he read it much. Except one time, I remember him being angry at me, saying that all I ever wrote was negative stuff. That was the thing with him, I wasn’t allowed to have any negative feelings. He’d get angry. But that’s a different story altogether, I guess.

About Mr. No-No, well the situation has evolved quite a bit. I’m not sure what happened to him but I can definitely sense a turning point, where he started being much more direct and forward, acting like he’s actually courting me rather than simply hinting all the time, and then backing off. We have a date this weekend, and he’s also invited me to do something with some friends sometime soon. I think we are both really excited about the date. I know I am, and he sure acts like he is!

I think this is as much as I am comfortable writing right now. Wish me luck! I’m really super excited and happy about this date, which scares me… But so what? You don’t get anything if you don’t risk anything.

Yes!

I’m back! I had a good weekend, spent it with my best friend. Also spent it texting with Mr. No-No… He’s becoming less and less of a no-no, to be quite frank. My two friends don’t mind if I go for him. I wasn’t sure if he was really interested or what, because of all the hinting and no doing, but he’s been getting more and more forward. Of course, there’s that time we spent the night making out. And that other time he wanted to stay over. He didn’t, but he kissed me before leaving.

Things are definitely progressing and I think I’m ready to upgrade him to Mr. Yes

I’ll keep you posted.

Away

I’ll be out of town for the long weekend. Hope you all have a good long weekend full of partying!

Mixed feelings

Rest assured, my mixed feelings aren’t about my little adventure from this weekend. No, mixed feelings because I feel pretty happy about this, and at the same time I feel pretty negative feelings about my ex: I think I have finally come to hate him. That makes me sad, actually. I don’t want to go into the details of what happened, but there’s only so much ignoring of me and my feelings that I can take, only so much disregard and disrespect. I don’t care what his reasons are. I’m done defending him and thinking that yes, he has feelings too, he can’t deal with other people’s feelings, etc., etc., etc.

Truth is, I’m tired of letting him hurt me by doing what he’s done all along anyway. It hurt all the more because I would have always been willing to put hurt feelings and harsh words aside and be there for him if he needed me, and I would have at the very least always treated him with respect. Yes, despite everything. In fact, I have done it, I’ve offered him comfort and kind words in a bad time, and he repaid me by ignoring me a little while later when I told him I wasn’t doing good at all. That’s what made his behavior hurt even more: I would not ever have treated him that way. I don’t care that he can’t deal with intense feelings. There are no perfect words, but no words at all can never be good.

I guess the good news is, it probably won’t hurt me as much anymore, since I will no longer have any expectations of being treated decently. And, well, I don’t think I will miss him much anymore either. Also, I no longer think that the failure of our relationship was all my fault. Not that I don’t have any faults at all, but I feel much more confident with myself, I’m not so afraid of being completely incapable of making a relationship work! It’s made me realize that it could never have worked with someone who ran away from things and ignored me when I tried to open up. It doesn’t matter how bad I was at opening up, at least I tried.

So yeah… It’s negative but at the same time I think there is some good in it. And perhaps it’s opening the way for someone else to finally come in… Yeah, I kinda hooked up with Mr. No-No this weekend At one point I realized that we were talking every day and I didn’t know why I was resisting it anymore. My two girlfriends who were sort of interested with him confirmed that they aren’t anymore. There is still his ex, who is an acquaintance of mine, but I’m not that close to her. I still feel bad a bit about this part, but otherwise… Hmm yeah.

That moment…

When you do something with the help and encouragement of alcohol, that awkward moment the next day when the guy leaves and you don’t know if you should hug him, kiss him or what.

Not for vegetarians

Now that I did some ranting about men, let’s talk about meat!

No, seriously! How do you cook yours? I have a few tricks up my sleeve but I think this is an area where I could improve. First of all, I don’t own a barbecue. I don’t think I want to, the propane just scares me and the charcoal looks complicated I do, however, have a ridged cast-iron skillet and I use it to cook steaks, burgers, pork chops…

Here’s how I cook…

Steak

I actually don’t eat steak very often, so when I do, I splurge and buy filet mignon. I don’t do very much to it, since the meat itself is so good. First, I let it rest at room temperature for about 20 minutes. Then, for seasoning, well it depends on my mood. Sometimes I’ll do a little bit of cumin with salt and pepper. Usually steak spices. Sometimes I’ll add a dash of Worcestershire sauce on top of that and a bit of balsamic vinegar. Then I drizzle a bit of olive oil directly on the meat, and cook on the skillet. I eat it medium-rare to rare. When I use balsamic vinegar, I like to cook onions in the skillet after the steak is done. Yum! Oh, and for the side dish, why not mashed potatoes? I do half regular white potatoes, half sweet potatoes, I don’t go easy on the butter and milk (sometimes I even do cream) and I add a bit of freshly ground nutmeg, along with salt and pepper to taste.

Ok, now I’m hungry!

Burgers

For my burgers, I mix the ground beef with an egg, usually enough meat for 3 or 4 paddies. Then I add plenty of steak spices, mix everything and make my paddies. Sometimes I do the Worcestershire sauce, too. Again, I drizzle olive oil directly on the meat and cook in the ridged cast-iron skillet. I usually butter the inside of the buns and toast them in the oven. And I eat my burgers with chili ketchup. Sometimes I’ll add lettuce and tomatoes, but really, I do like it with ketchup only. I’m weird like that.

Pork chops

Ah, the pork chops! These are amazing on a barbecue, but yeah, I don’t have one. The skillet works just fine though. My preferred method is the spice rub:

• 3 tablespoons sweet paprika, preferably Spanish
• 1 tablespoon freshly ground black pepper
• 1 tablespoon coarse salt, either kosher or sea salt
• 3/4 teaspoon sugar (I opt for brown sugar)
• 3/4 teaspoon chili powder
• 3/4 teaspoon granulated garlic or garlic powder
• 3/4 teaspoon onion powder (I usually skip the onion powder as I don’t have any; I should buy some!)
• 1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon ground cayenne

The quantities here are for 6 to 8 pork chops. Go easy on the chili powder and cayenne if you don’t like things hot. While this is not extremely hot, it does have a bit of heat. Then again, I’m kind of a wimp when it comes to spicy.

At least an hour (and up to 8 hours) before you cook the meat, prepare the dry rub by combining the ingredients and coat the chops with the spice mixture. Place them in a large plastic bag, seal, and refrigerate.

Let the chops cool at room temperature for about 20 minutes before cooking them. Again, I do the olive oil drizzle before cooking these on the skillet. (the recipe for the rub can be found here: http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Spice-Rubbed-Grilled-Pork-Chops-235178)

Men are from Mars

I don’t think I will ever understand guys in general. Of course, I have trouble understanding myself half the time, so understanding a whole different gender is probably hopeless. Still.

I wrote about Mr. No-No and New Guy, last week. New Guy, after sending a random “Hi” via text message, has not peeped another peep. I still don’t get it, and it’s the second time he does something like this. What, is he trying to just make sure I remember him? Checking to see if he’s still got an “in”? Well, one thing is for sure, this kind of behavior is totally destroying any sort of “in” he might have had. As for Mr. No-No, still, he hints. He’ll joke about me going for a nap at his place. We talk pretty much every day. Yet… Yet nothing! He stays in the realm of innuendos, never says anything direct. I just don’t get it.

And dating sites… Wow. Guys, here are a few don’ts:

• Don’t leave your text description blank, with a short sentence saying “Nobody reads this anyway.” That’s not true, I read this, and if you say nothing about yourself, I’ll move on to the next guy.
• Don’t put pictures of your chest or your muscles. Just, don’t. Even if they’re nice.
• Don’t send, as a first message to me, something along the lines of “Hi, what are you up to?” Again, if you have nothing to say, I’ll move on.
• Don’t ask me to come to your apartment or to meet you the first time we talk. Especially if it’s 11 pm on a weeknight. Other girls might be looking for a booty call… I’m not, and my profile says so.

I’m sure I could go on… There are behaviors I just don’t understand, either. Like this guy who after I add him, writes me something like “Hey, what are you up to today?” Already, I feel annoyed at the lack of any substance whatsoever in this email… I reply, and I stay in the same tone. I say something like “Nothing much, I was finishing reading a book. You?” Now, can someone please explain what’s wrong with my message? Because the guy never wrote back, and then deleted me a couple of days later. I mean, wtf? He contacted me first, and he first sent me a stupid, meaningless message. What’s this, he doesn’t like girls who read?

I’ll stop here because I’m starting to sound frustrated. Truth is, I’m half frustrated, half amused. And a little discouraged, too. But mostly, I’m OK, really!

For those who remember that I said I’d stop dating for a while, I’m just too curious and cannot resist checking out who wants to meet me. Then once in a while I’ll accept a guy who seems to have potential, but apparently I’m a poor judge of “potential mates”

Banana Cupcakes with Honey-Cinnamon Frosting

Hmmmm. These are absolutely delicious, especially the next day. They’re easy, too; I’ve made them several times, and they were always a success.

BTW, you can freeze unpeeled bananas. They will turn black, and once you thaw them they will be extremely mushy… perfect for baking cupcakes or banana bread.

The cupcakes

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, (spooned and leveled)
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted
• 1 1/2 cups mashed bananas (about 4 ripe bananas), plus 1 whole banana, for garnish (optional)
• 2 large eggs
• 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a standard 12-cup muffin pan with paper liners. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.
2. Make a well in center of flour mixture. In well, mix together butter, mashed bananas, eggs, and vanilla. Stir to incorporate flour mixture (do not overmix). Dividing evenly, spoon batter into muffin cups.
3. Bake until a toothpick inserted in center of a cupcake comes out clean, 25 to 30 minutes. Remove cupcakes from pan; cool completely on a wire rack. Spread tops with Honey-Cinnamon Frosting. Just before serving, peel and slice banana into rounds, and place one on each cupcake, if desired.

Honey-Cinnamon Frosting

Ingredients

• 1 1/4 cup confectioners’ sugar
• 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
• 1 tablespoon honey
• 1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Directions

1. In a medium bowl, using an electric mixer, beat confectioners’ sugar, unsalted butter, honey, and ground cinnamon until smooth, 4 to 5 minutes.

 

PS – this recipe comes from here: http://www.marthastewart.com/314063/banana-cupcakes-with-honey-cinnamon-fros?czone=food%2Fbest-cupcake-recipes%2Four-best-cupcakes

Hi.

Well, hello all.

So, what’s new in my life? Hmm, not much. Mr. No-No is still being hurm, well, Mr. No-No. He keeps hinting and hinting but not doing anything and frankly, I’m getting tired of it.

Also, New Guy (do you remember him?!!!) actually messaged me this week. Just to say hi. I said hi back but he never wrote me back and you know what? I am really, really annoyed at this. If you have something to say, say it. I want a guy who has the balls to stand up in front of me and say whatever it is he has to say. Otherwise? Bye Bye. Next.

That’s pretty much it for now. I feel pretty good. Though earlier today I would have said I feel awful… I blame that on PMS.

I do have a recipe or two I want to share, soon. Stick around

Good night, world.